


Say Something

by knic28



Series: Say Something [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, Modern AU, Trigger warning for suicide, also blood and self harm ish?, and i dont really think the titles make sense anymore but the first like 5 chapters did so w/e, and its by The Weepies, is called Gotta Have You, the pronouns might get confusing, the song that the titles are from, trigger warning for panic attacks/panic disorder, trigger warning for trichotillomania
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:15:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knic28/pseuds/knic28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you go back? How can you go back to a normal life once something like this has occurred? Do you just live on, pretending like you didn't go through that?<br/>Eren attempts suicide and deals with the results of that and preexisting issues.<br/>Trigger warning for suicide mentions and attempts, blood, panic attacks/panic disorder, and trichotillomania.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gray

     If nobody ever read we would never get anywhere. We wouldn't have music, we wouldn't have books, newspapers, television, movies, anything, really.

  
     However, sometimes people hate reading certain things. For example, Levi never, never wanted to read the 2 sentences written on a sheet of notebook paper- wrinkled and folded countless times. The two sentences said only this: "I'm so sorry to have caused you this trouble. I love you."

  
      He hated coming home and reading it, taped to the back of the door. He hated the widening of his eyes, the small shake of his head, and the whispered, "no" that left his lips. He hated yelling Eren's name over and over as he pounded on the boy's bedroom door. He hated kicking it in and kneeling on the ground, cradling Eren's dying body in his arms. He hated pulling out his phone and dialing 911, hated the excruciating wait for them to get there, hated the slits down Eren's wrists, hated the knife covered in blood, hated the color red, hated the floor that had almost been a death bed, hated the world, and hated himself.

  
     Levi now clutched the wrinkled paper in one of his hands, resting his elbows on his knees and kneading his forehead with the other. He had come so close to losing someone so indescribably important to him; to think, he may have never seen those green eyes or that passionate smile again. The thought in itself was horrifying enough, but finding the boy covered in blood and laying on the floor was beyond horrifying. It was excruciating. It was miserable. It was unthinkable, disgusting, terrifying. It was hell.

  
     Slowly, yet deliberately, Levi stood up from his seated position on his bed. He loped out to the living room of the apartment he shared with Eren, shrugged on a coat, and exited, locking the door behind him. He arrived at the hospital around twenty minutes later. He carried with him a disposable coffee cup filled with warm hot chocolate.

  
     Upon Levi's arrival in his room, Eren turned his head and looked at him; his face showed no joy when he layed eyes on the man. It stayed emotionless, cold, numb. Levi pointed at the cup in his hand and set it on the table next to Eren's bed. He drew up a chair and sat down in it, not saying anything for a long while.

  
     At last, he drew in a breath and let it out slowly. "Eren," he murmured in a low tone. Eren turned his head towards the light filtering in through the pink curtains. He didn't like pink much, but he couldn't dislike the warm, rosy glow the sunlight gave the room when it poured through those curtains.

  
     "Eren," Levi repeated, his voice cutting through the thunderous, utter silence. Eren turned back to face him as Levi gently took one of his hands. "What happened last night... We should talk about it." The boy looked down at their joined hands before closing his eyes and shutting the older man out. Levi's gaze went up to the face of the person who was nearly a son to him. It was completely blank.

  
     He cleared his throat and spoke again, "I... I'm sorry, Eren. I had no idea that you weren't happy in life. Please, don't leave like that."

  
     Eren simply laid there, unmoving and breathing deeply. Levi reached up and gently brushed a few stray hairs out of his face. He uttered the younger's name once more, quietly this time. They stayed quiet for a long while before Eren broke the silence.

  
     "It isn't your fault, you know. It would've happened even if my mom was still here. It's my fault."

  
     Levi cringed at Eren's last sentence, angry that he blamed himself for something that he knew, logically, that nobody was responsible for. He ran the pad of his thumb over the back of Eren's hand slowly, keeping his eyes on his lap.

  
     "It's nobody's fault, Eren," he stated matter-of-factly.

  
     Eren didn't say anything. He just continued to lay there, brows knitted and eyes half-lidded.

  
     Levi stayed quietly at Eren's bedside as long as he could, asking the boy if he needed anything every so often. He only left after a nurse had come in a third time with a ferocious look on his face, warning him that _visiting_ **_hours_ _were_** _**over**_. Once home, he pulled a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and took it to his room. It was left unopened as he drifted to sleep on top of his immaculately straight bed covers.


	2. Quiet

     If there was one thing Levi did not want to do the next day, it was go back to work. However, the school needed him there for a three hour detention.

  
     Throughout the entire agonizingly long session, he thought of Eren and wondered what he was supposed to do now that everything was so different. After the three hours of mostly silence and the occasional necessity to tell a loud kid to shut their trap, he had reached the conclusions that Eren would be monitored 24/7, that he would take a while off from teaching these brats to do so, and that it was necessary to make him see a psychologist as often as possible. The man sighed and waited for the last students to leave.  
As soon as the last one had, he gathered up his things and locked the door behind him. Getting in his car, he made the decision to stop at Hanji's and bring Mikasa along with him to visit Eren.

  
     She lived with Hanji now because after Eren's mother had died, Levi had, somewhat grudgingly, consented to taking in Eren, but only Eren. Hanji had later decided that they would become Mikasa's guardian.

  
     The small gray car pulled up in front of a moderately sized brick house and Levi stepped out of it. He rang the doorbell and crossed his arms, tapping his foot softly wile he waited. The lock made a clicking noise, the handle turned, the door opened, and a raven-haired girl stepped out. She looked worried; her eyes were red, brow furrowed, tissues in hand.

  
     "Levi," she stated upon seeing him.

  
     "Eren would like to see you," he responded without hesitation," Are you going to come?"

  
     She only blinked at fist, but then turned around and called to Hanji, giving them a brief explanation of where she was going. As soon as Mikasa had gotten her shoes and coat on though, Hanji rushed in, dressed in a similar fashion, a grave look displayed on her features to match. They nodded to Levi ad hurried out the door and into his car. Levi sighed quietly and followed suit, Mikasa behind him, tucking her scarf into her coat's collar as she walked.

  
     Levi led the way to Eren's room once they all arrived at the hospital. Eren was asleep when they entered, but awoke when the door shut. Once again, he refrained from smiling; he only sat there, silently following them with his eyes.

  
     Mikasa pushed past the other two as she rushed in and threw herself into the chair that was continually at Eren's bedside. The hospital's disallowence of more than one visitor for a solid twenty four hours had let the fear and worry pent up in her and she gently grasped Eren's hand as hot tears began to spill over her cheeks, marking her face with their burning, salty tracks.

  
     "Mikasa," Eren murmured, "Don't. It's alright. I'm still here, aren't I?" He squeezed her hand in his own and leaned towards her. "I get out tomorrow, anyway. You'll have to see me more once I get home." The corners of his mouth stretched upwards in what he hoped was a smile; he couldn't be sure, however. It had been such a very long time since he last had worn a grin.

     His half-smile-half-grimace brought a smile to Mikasa even through her tears. She nodded her head and scrubbed at her eyes with back of her hand. "I'm thankful for that, Eren," she stated in a tone laced with melancholy.

  
     Levi cleared his throat and took a seat in the furthest corner of the room. Hanji, however, strode directly over to stand at Eren's left side.

  
     "Can I?" they asked, nodding towards his wrist. He nodded back at her and they gingerly lifted one bandaged wrist, flipped it over slowly, examined it as they softly dragged their index finger across it, then put it back down to rest at his side. Hanji then spoke once more. "Eren," they said, "For what it's worth, I'm glad you're still here. We would all be devastated if something were to happen to you."

  
     "You mean if I succeeded," he retorted.

  
     "Yes. If you succeeded. This is one case in which I'm glad that you did not succeed." They ran a hand through his dark locks; they didn't appear to care that his hair hadn't been washed in two days. He didn't appear to care that they were even there.

  
     An hour or so passed with Mikasa and Eren's murmured speech and Hanji occasionally joining in on the conversation. Eren was informed of everything that was going on outside the hospital. As it was, only a select few people that he was close to knew exactly why he was in the hospital.

  
     Another half hour had passed when Hanji gave Eren one final pat on the shoulder and left. It was only a few minutes after the door had closed that it opened once more, and a blond head poked in.

  
     "Eren?" the blond questioned.

  
     "Hello, Armin," Eren and Mikasa chorused.

  
     "Oh thank god. I had to ask a nurse three times where your room was before I found it. Are you alright, Eren?"

  
     Eren simply shrugged. Armin scurried over to stand by him in Hanji's vacated space. "What have the two of you been talking about? Has Mikasa told you about things happening in school? Do you want to know the homework?"

  
     Eren chuckled before letting out a breath and muttering, "Fuck no I don't want to know the homework. Fuckin' shitty school anyway."

  
     At this statement, Levi glanced towards the group and instructed Eren to watch his, "filthy god damn mouth, brat," and strode out of the room. He returned a matter of minutes later, a silver laptop in his arms. He returned to the, regrettably, pea soup-colored chair he had previously resided in and opened it. The clicks of his typing took away some of the cold aura the room had about it.

  
     Armin went back to talking with Eren and Mikasa about trivial things that he was sure were extremely important. Eren went back to vaguely absorbing at least half of the conversation. Mikasa went back to quietly holding Eren's hand and occassionally speaking. Their conversation was interrupted, however, when Levi suddenly asked, "Eren, would you rather see a male or female professional?"

  
     All went silent for a few seconds and then Eren responded, "What do you mean, 'professional?"

  
     "Professional help. You're going to see a psychologist."

  
     "I don't want to."

     "Tough, kid. Male or female?"

     Eren didn't respond. He only crossed his arms and looked at his lap bitterly. Levi suppressed a sigh and went back to typing and clicking, breathing a, "Female it is, then."

  
     Armin went back to chattering softly a short while later and continued in this manner until he departed. Mikasa, however, stayed with him as long as she possibly could; when she absolutely had to leave, she brushed her fingers through Eren's hair and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "I'll be here when you get out tomorrow," she said. She then stepped away from the bed and waited by the door for Levi.

  
     The man followed her, but only after he awkwardly stood by Eren for a bit and uttered, "Tomorrow morning I'll come pick you up. See you then."

  
     "Bye," Eren muttered at his retreating back.

  
     The door swung closed behind the two visitors and Eren was alone with his thoughts once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a slow chapter. Sorry about that. Sometimes those are necessary though. It'll pick up in chapter three.


	3. Tired

     Being alone with one's thoughts is often a gift, yet at other times, it is the worst punishment that could be inflicted on a person. Eren considered it a strange combination of both, now. He was not a neophyte to this mix of gratitude and hatred; it was often that he felt it alone in his dark room, laying on his bed, thinking for hours. A gift and a curse. 

     Thoughts of his failure only plagued him and made the aching black hole in his chest grow stronger. Why couldn't he just have done it earlier? How come Levi had to come home and ruin everything? What the hell was he supposed to do now? He didn't even know how one was supposed to try and move on from something so horrific. God, if only he had managed to do this right. To do something right for once. Why the fuck was a worthless, disgusting piece of shit even allowed to exist? Every bit of love anyone had ever shown him was wasted on him. He was less than nothing. 

     Sleep was necessary within a few hours, but Eren all but absolutely refused to comply with his circadian rhythm. Sleep could wait until he had cleared some of the buzzing feeling out of his too-full head. As expected, he failed to do this before unconsciousness came over him. 

* * *

  
     The pink curtains once again shed a rose-tinted light on the cold hospital room as the sun shone through them. The pink light fell upon Eren's closed eyelids, effectively waking him from his fitful slumber. He sat up slowly and roughly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. The fog sleep had brought cleared in a few moments. Wonderful. He had survived another night.

  
     Eren stretched for a bit until there was a soft knock on his door. It opened a second later and Levi walked in.

  
     "Are you ready, brat?" he inquired.

  
     Eren nodded and took the clothes Levi had brought with him into the bathroom. He donned the clothing and exited the small room. Together, they left the hospital room that Eren was so sick of seeing and checked out of the building altogether. The bright sunlight outside was a huge contrast to the rosy pink light and the florescent lights that he had been accustomed to over the past few days. It shone off the pavement and reflected into his eyes, making him wince and put his, still bandaged, arm up to throw a bit of shade into his field of vision.

  
     Levi walked quickly to the vehicle he had left running and Eren followed. The older man got in after him and began the drive back home.

  
     "So, are you gonna take me to some doctor? Fix my brain up?" Eren questioned sarcastically.

  
     Levi let out a breath. "No, Eren. We're going home right now. You've been in that place for days. I figured you'd like a shower or something. Hell, I'd like you to shower."

  
     Eren crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. "Fine. Sounds better than going to a shrink."

  
     "You will see a shrink tomorrow though." When Eren let out an exasperated "ugh," he responded with, "I honestly do not give a fuck whether you want to go or not, kiddo."

 

     The boy grunted again and absently watched the streets roll by through his window. After long few minutes, the car pulled up in front of an apartment complex. Levi turned the key and pulled it out before opening his door and stepping outside. He turned around, however when he realized that Eren wasn't behind him. His shoulders slumped and he sighed as he strode back to the car and tapped on Eren's window.

  
     "Hey," he said, "are you going to come out of there or not?"

  
     Eren stared blankly ahead of him and shook his head slowly. Levi tapped on the window once again. "Come on, it's cold out here. I want to go inside." He pulled on the door handle. Eren had locked the door. Levi furrowed his brow and unlocked it, only to see Eren lock it again before he could pull him out. After two more attempts (Eren was slightly impressed that he even managed to do that more than once), he finally got the door open and grabbed Eren's arm.

  
     "Damn it, come out, Eren," he mumbled through a frown. Eren made no move to get out of the car, so Levi yanked on his arm, obtaining a small yelp and a wince from the boy.

     "Shit," he muttered, "Eren, I will stay here the entire damn day. Are you going to come or not?"

  
     Eren sighed and very, very slowly got out of the car.

  
     "Sure took your sweet god damn time, didn't you," Levi scowled.

  
     They made their way up the stairs to the second floor of the building. Levi pulled out his keys as they neared their apartment and unlocked the door, ushering Eren inside before him. A small blond person and a darker-haired girl popped up from the couch and rushed to the door to greet him.

  
     "Eren," Mikasa breathed his name as she attached herself to him through a hug. "You're back home." She pulled away and held him at arm's length to look at his face. "I'm staying with you."

  
     "Erm, for how long?" he replied.

  
     She shrugged in response and gently pulled him to the sofa. Mikasa and Armin sat on either side of Eren while Levi simply hung up his coat, expression deadpan as always.

  
     "Listen, guys," Eren began, "it's nice to have you here to greet me, but I haven't showered in three days and I would really like to do that now." Mikasa nodded while Armin gave a simple, "Alright, Eren." It didn't surprise the teenager when they followed him into his bedroom, but he was a bit taken aback when Armin entered the bathroom with him.

  
     "Armin, I need to shower."

  
     "I know that."

  
     Eren made a shooing motion with his hand, "Get out then."

  
     "I can't do that; I'm sorry. You have to have someone with you at all times now," he explained, rubbing his neck.

  
     "Are you fucking serious right now?" Eren moaned, "Fine. Turn around while i undress."

  
     Armin gave an apologetic smile and did so and turned back once his friend was in the shower. A few minutes passed and they came out of the bathroom together, Eren's hair sopping wet and Armin looking glad to be out of such a steamy room. The remainder of the day passed slowly; they ate, they talked, they sat around doing absolutely zilch, Armin tried to get Eren to play video games with him, but ended up playing by himself. He and Mikasa left just before 10 PM and Eren went to bed a while after. It was somewhat uncomfortable for the boy, trying to sleep with Levi watching him relentlessly the entire time, but he eventually drifted to sleep despite the man's unwavering gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh finally it's done.


	4. Mean

     The gray interior of the car was far too close to Eren for his own comfort. His eyes shifted nervously upward at the ceiling. He reached up with his left hand and touched it, keeping his palm firmly planted on it for a while. Warm breath rushed past his lips in a tremendous sigh and he let his hand fall back to his lap. Looking out the window at the other cars rushing by gave him little comfort. Then again, how much comfort was he supposed to take from his surroundings when he was, at this very moment, being taken to have his poor, sick head inspected.

  
     He had argued about it with Levi at every chance he got. Levi had finally just tuned him out and Eren quit. The hours until they had to leave went by too quickly and now he found himself pressing his back into his seat, irrationally trying to become one with the car in an attempt to avoid meeting a psychologist. Needless to say, it did not work and they arrived at their destination shortly.

  
     A small woman sat behind a desk and mumbled a greeting without looking up until Levi impatiently tapped on the wood in front of her.

  
     "Do you have an appointment?" she queried.

     "Yes. It's supposed to be at 2 PM," he replied sharply.

     "Name?"

     "Jaegar."

     She rifled through stacks of paper for a moment before speaking again, "Mm. Jenny will be out in a moment. Please have a seat in the meantime."

     Despite the woman's request, Eren did not sit down. Instead, he paced the floor absentmindedly for the next few minutes. Precisely at 2 PM, a tall, willowy woman came into the waiting room.

     "Jaegar?" she inquired, her hand was extended and her white smile flashed at Eren. The boy took it tentatively and she shook his hand with vigor. "Hi, I'm Jenny. Do you want to step back into my office with me?"

     When Eren gave a small nod, she smiled in response and motioned for him to follow her. Jenny made small talk with him as they made their way down the hall towards her office. How was he? His first name was Eren, right? The weather was nice. Was the man that brought him his father? Oh, guardian.

     Levi waited patiently as the hour slowly ticked by. He learned a lot from a women's magazine about how you shouldn't eat in order to be sexy. A casual eye roll and little concern was given to the magazine as he cast it aside. When the awkward-looking Eren and ridiculously-brightly smiling Jenny reentered the waiting room, Levi stood up, nodded to the woman, and left with Eren trailing behind him. The ride home passed in utter silence.

  
     After they had been home for two or three hours, eating was a necessity for Eren, as his stomach had begun to scream at him. He pried himself off the couch and made his way to the kitchen. A few moments passed until Levi heard an annoyed, "Hey, where are the knives?" from the boy's general direction.

     "Had to get rid of them. They're sharp," was his matter-of-fact reply.

     "Sharp? What, you're afraid I'm going to try and slit my throat or something?" he said through an angry smirk. Levi said nothing. "How the hell am I supposed to cut stuff without a knife? I can't just tear the fucking skin of a pineapple."

     "We don't have a pineapple."

     "What if we get a pineapple? How am I supposed to eat it?"

     "We won't get a pineapple. They're gross as hell anyway."

     "Pineapples are not gross as hell! They're great. You're gross as hell!"

     At this small outburst, Levi sauntered into the kitchen. "It's just a pineapple. No need to yell."  
     

     "You always say that! 'There's no god damn need to yell, Eren. It doesn't matter, Eren.' Maybe I fucking want to yell at you for once. You're a fucking pain in the ass to live with."

  
     Quietly and slowly, Levi raised his hand level with Eren's eyes, pulled back his middle finger with his thumb, and gave the boy's forehead a hard flick that sounded with a dull _clunk_. "Here. We don't have pineapple," at this point, he handed an orange to Eren. Eren simply stared at it. "You're hungry. We don't have pineapple." Levi looked from the fruit to the boy and shoved it at him.

  
     It took Eren a moment, but after blinking and shaking his head, he took the orange and set it on the counter next to him. "It's not about the fucking pineapple, Levi. How the hell could it be?" Levi looked on, saying nothing as Eren yelled. "You're not even going to say anything are you? Fuck this. You know what? Fuck you. Fuck this whole world. It's shitty and I wish you hadn't come home when you did a few days ago. If you had just let me die, I would be fine. You would be fine. You wouldn't have to deal with me anymore." With that, he stormed past the shorter man, angrily rubbing his face and hitting his elbow on the wall, but refusing to wince. The door to his room slammed closed behind him and Levi put the orange back where it belonged.

  
     He followed Eren shortly afterward and sat down on the floor with his back against the closed door. "God damn brat," he muttered to himself. He cleared his throat and spoke again, a bit louder this time so Eren could hear, "You're wrong, actually. It wouldn't be fine. I'm going to deal with you for as long as I want to."

  
     Eren's ire and doubt seeped through the door. He wouldn't believe that statement. Not now. Not for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh. Sorry it took me a while to upload this. You'd think being super depressed would help me to write this story; sadly, it only prevents me from getting off my ass. Anyhoo, angry Eren was such a relief to write. I love angry Eren.


	5. Picking At a Worried Seam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finally gets out of the apartment.

     Saying that Eren avoided Levi the next day would be a tragic understatement. Painstakingly skirting around him all day was tedious, at best. His shoulders fell in relief when a knock sounded on the apartment's front door and a very tired-looking Mikasa stood behind it. He greeted her with a tired, "hey" and beckoned for her to follow him inside. She did so without saying a word, walking straight to the very back of the apartment and into his room. Eren didn't question her behavior until she reemerged carrying his coat. She threw the soft article at him.

  
     "Put it on. We have to leave this place," she said monotonously.

  
     Eren did as he was told, shrugging the jacket on over his shoulders and zipping it up. He quickly called to Levi, explaining that he would be with Mikasa. Levi assented with a one word reply.

  
     "Where exactly are you taking me?" he inquired as she gently took his hand and lead him out the front door and down two flights of stairs. The chill air stung his eyes as harsh wind whipped through his hair, carrying the stagnant feeling that had lingered inside of him all day away to somewhere unknown.

  
     Mikasa quietly sauntered along the sidewalk, holding Eren's hand all the while. She dropped it only when they arrived at a small coffee shop and accepted the warmth's undeniable invitation. They ordered their drinks respectively and received them shortly after. Their eyes roamed the brightly-lit interior until they found a table by the tall windows. For a while, they casually sipped at the warm liquid they held.

  
     "Is this your first time being out of the house since you left the hospital?" Mikasa queried.

  
     Eren nodded, "Didn't really feel like going out and risking seeing anyone. I'm glad that you brought me out today though. It's been pretty awkward back at the apartment."

  
     "Did something happen?"

  
     "Mm? No. Why do you ask?"

  
     "Something happened, Eren. What was it?"

  
     The boy sighed deeply and took a slow drink of his coffee. "I just sort of yelled at him. I said something about him being a pain in the ass to live with."

  
     Mikasa snorted. "Well, I'm sure you weren't wrong. He's demanding."

  
     "Still, I didn't have to scream at him."

  
     "He can get over it," she said before swallowing more coffee. "That was a fairly traumatic event that just occurred."

  
     He shrugged, "I guess so. Where's Armin been? I haven't seen him since the other day. I thought he'd be around whenever you were."

  
     "You know how he is with his classes. He always studies too much for all of them. I told him to meet us here when he has time though."

  
     As if summoned by Mikasa's words, the blond-haired boy pushed open the door and stepped inside. He waved to the two of them and went on to order a small Americano. Upon receiving his drink, he made is way to their table and sat down with them. A soft smile graced his features as he greeted them.

  
     "Hi, guys. It's nice to see you outside of your house, Eren."

  
     "Probably good for me to be out," he responded dully.

  
     "Probably," he agreed.

  
     "Everyone's been asking about you at school," Armin mused, wrapping his fingers around the warm cup. "They want to know where you are and when you'll be back."

  
     "What did you tell them?" Eren inquired, voice not betraying any of the worry or tenseness he felt at the bit of information his friend shared with him.

  
     "We haven't told them anything, Eren," Mikasa said, voice gentle.

  
     "We only told them that you weren't feeling well, don't worry," Armin added with a smile.

  
     Eren breathed an unsubtle sigh of relief and slouched a bit in his chair. "Thanks, guys."

  
     Suddenly, the bell that announced new customers rang sharply. A pretty brunette stepped in, followed by a short boy. The brunette waved eagerly at Mikasa, Eren, and Armin while the boy simply gave them a casual grin. After they had also received their orders, they made their way to the table at which they all sat. Unlike Armin, however, they didn't sit down with the others.

  
     "Hey, Eren! It's good to see you again," the brunette greeted, smiling earnestly and giving a little wave to the green-eyed boy.

  
     "Hi, Sasha," he responded, smiling as well.

  
     "Are you feeling any better? I haven't seen you in school lately. Armin said you were sick."

  
     "Yeah," added the boy, "Finally, you're back in the world of the living."

  
     "Good to see you too, Connie," Eren replied.

  
      Sasha giggled faintly and ruffled Eren's hair with the hand that wasn't clutching her coffee cup. "You look like you're feeling better. I hope you'll be at school tomorrow!" She and Connie gave one last wave and scurried out the door to whereabouts unknown to Eren.

  
      Eren pressed his cold fingertips pressed to tired eyes and rested his elbows on the table in an attempt to relax. "Ugh, guys, what am I gonna do back at school? I can't tell them why I've been out. I'll just tell them I've had a cold or something."

  
     Mikasa and Armin exchanged glances. "Ah," Armin began, "Eren, we think you should tell them."

  
     Eren simply blinked incredulously for a moment. "Why the hell would I tell everyone that my brain is fucked up?"

  
      "Not everyone, and your brain is not fucked up. Just tell some of them. Like Marco and Jean. You're sort of close to them right? It would be helpful, I think."

     "How would that be helpful? It would be helpful in making them stay as far away from me as they can, but that's about it."

  
     "Eren, we're talking about your friends here," Mikasa reminded him gently, "Even if Jean can be an ass sometimes, he wouldn't be scared off. And Marco is... Marco is Marco. He cares about all his friends like they're family. Besides, even if anyone is going to think less of you because you tell them, they aren't worthy of your attention." She paused for a moment before stating in a much lower voice, "If anyone does that, I am going to hurt them."

  
     Her last sentence did not go unnoticed by the two boys, but they did not comment on it. He let out another sigh. "I'll think about it. I have to go back tomorrow. You guys'll be there, right?"

     "Yes," they said in unison.

  
     "Thanks," he breathed, a bit of the apprehension in his chest leaving at his friends' chorused reply. His gaze lowered and came to rest on his chapped hands.

  
     "You haven't missed much, don't worry," Armin assured. "We did an experiment in chemistry, though. Hanji set the ceiling on fire by accident."

  
     Eren grinned. The mental image of his favorite teacher setting things on fire was not altogether foreign to him. "Can't say I'm really surprised. They'd set the whole school on fire if nobody else was in it."

  
     Mikasa smirked while Armin grinned widely. "Of course they would," the blond responded.

  
     Trivial, but pleasant, conversation continued between them as two hours passed. The three hardly noticed the time passing until it was completely dark out. They walked back to Eren and Levi's apartment in the cold. Their coats were shed as they walked through the front door and began to warm up. The three of them ate, talked, and generally fucked around until late; when it was around 11 PM, they all plopped down in Eren's small bedroom with blankets, not bothering to tell their respective guardians that they wouldn't be home that night, as they had told them so much earlier in the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long to update. I've been pretty busy with the SAT, a show, and the Holidays. Anyways, chapter 5. Hope you guys like it.


	6. I Try to Make You Mad at Me

     The horrid sound of a blaring alarm awoke Eren at precisely 6:00 AM. He groaned and rolled over, using his pillow to block out the noise. He wasn't able to do so for long though, as Armin yanked the pillow away from him shortly after he had surrounded his head with its cottony plush.

     Eren let out another groan, "Dear lord, Armin. Did you have to use that fucking awful sound as your alarm?"

     The blond grinned sheepishly as he tapped a few button's on his phone to shut it off. Both boys looked over at Mikasa. She was already holding a folded pile of blankets and sleepily making her way to the closet to put them away. Armin stood and Eren stretched with a groan; he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and also stood.

     The three of them walked out into the cold light of the kitchen and quickly ate breakfast. They changed into their school clothes and pulled their bags into the living room. Leaving as much dread behind as they could, they hitched their bags onto their shoulders, pulled on their shoes and jackets, and left the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind them.

     They gray morning was cold and damp. A refreshing sort of morning that should technically be considered unpleasant, but somehow isn't. They made their way to the bus stop quickly and waited there for a short while. Others that waited at that bus stop weren't exactly close with Eren, but they did notice that he had been gone and a few of them gave him tentative smiles upon seeing him returned.

     The ride was quiet, for the most part. Only the occasional cough or mumble permeated the calm silence. It was far too early for the passengers to be loud. The bus stopped in front of the school and Eren took a deep breath before stepping out of it.

     The cool wind rushed through his hair as he headed for the building; once inside, he made a beeline for his first class, hoping not to see anyone he knew for as long as possible. Eren sunk low in his chair and rested his chin on his chest, effectively hiding his face. Well, effectively hiding his face until a certain chipper brunette by the name of Sasha Brause came into class, spotted him, dropped her bag, and ran as fast as she could to hug him.

     "You're back!" she squealed in his ear.

     Eren tried his best to shove her off, but she clung tight. "Mm. Yeah, Sasha. I'm back. Can you get off?"

     Sasha held on for a few seconds longer, rubbing her face against his. She let go and beckoned for Connie to come over. He did, and in doing so added to Eren's growing embarrassment and annoyance.

     Connie grinned and waved at him. "Hey, man," was his nonchalant greeting.

     Eren nodded and smiled in return. Grimaced, really. It was hard to smile when your friends were over excited and you were severely annoyed.

     The bell rang. Ms. Ral walked into class precisely as it did, coffee in hand. As always, English class bored Eren to tears. In fact, Eren was bored to tears throughout the next two classes. It was only when he got to math class that he started to feel less like an actual pile of garbage and more like a human being.

     Math was his best subject. Of course, it was probably his best because Levi taught math and wouldn't let Eren's grades in the subject slip below an A-. It was still better than his other subjects, though.

     He slowly made his way to the the class, not in any hurry to get there. Upon entering, he let his backpack fall off his shoulder slowly, slumped into his seat, and rested his head on the desk in front of him. Mikasa sat down next to him quietly and touched his shoulder gently before pulling out a pencil and notebook. He didn't look up when Armin sat down on the other side of him. He did, however, when a different, smaller blonde cleared her throat delicately.

     "Eren?" came her small voice.

     Eren let himself give her a soft smile. "Hi, Historia," he responded.

     She grinned back. "It's great to see that you're in school again. We missed you so much!"

     A certain brunette (who seemed to be permanently within fifteen feet of Historia at all times) sidled up next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. "Well, not all of us missed you so much, Jaeger. You're okay, though, so that's preferable."

     "Missed you too, Historia. You though," he gestured to Ymir, "not so much."

     Ymir gave an offended-sounding snort. "Fuck you, Eren. I'm a joy to have around."

     "Yeah, yeah. You're a joy and Historia's a menace."

     "Damn right."

     Historia grinned at the exchange, grabbed Ymir's hand, and pulled her over to their seats behind his. Eren had only put his head back down on the table for a matter of seconds when the bell rang and Levi strode in.

     An hour. Eren only had to hold out for another hour till he could go to lunch and stop listening to Levi drone on about the functions of X and other things that he didn't care about. The temporary freedom of sorts neared and students filed out of the room and Eren was nearly out the door when he heard his name being called softly from the back of the room.

     He turned around sharply, annoyed at having his progress towards his locker come to a halt. He he sighed and slumped over to when he saw that it was Levi that summoned him.

     "What, are you making me stay because I pissed you off again by not listening?" he demanded.

     Levi stared hard at Eren. "Pay attention next time. You can go."

     Eren's only reply was to blink twice, turn on his heel, and walk out of the classroom with Mikasa. It was very odd to leave math class with just a "pay attention next time." Usually when he hadn't been paying attention or had irked Levi, he would have to stay after the bell rang for another fifteen minutes or so.

     "What did he want?" Mikasa inquired, severing Eren's train of thought.

     He shrugged, "He just told me to pay attention next time."

     "Mm. He was probably checking on you. Making sure you're alright."

     Eren's brows knit and he grunted. "I don't need him to check up on me. Kinda creepy, actually..."

     "He's just trying to help."

     "Okay, but I don't want his help. It should be pretty damn obvious by now that I don't want or need his help. I wish he'd leave it alone."

     She shrugged. There was no arguing with Eren once he had made up his mind to let someone in or shut them out completely and Levi was most certainly not being let in for the time being.

     They made it to the cafeteria without running into anyone they knew (which was a giant relief to Eren). It was only when they sat down to eat whatever it was that they had to today that they had to talk to others.

     Armin, of course, joined them at their table. Sasha and Connie as well as Historia and Ymir also sat down with them, Historia and Ymir absorbed in each other more than in their companions. Five minutes passed and Eren felt a sharp jab to his ribs.

     "Ow! Hey what the hell, Jean?"

     Jean grinned at him, no apologies anywhere on his face. "Finally back, Jaeger? What, did you break an arm trying to open the fridge or something?"

     "Fuck off," Eren muttered beneath his breath.

     They both took their seats opposite Eren and Mikasa. Marco smiled at them before asking, "It was just a cold, right?"

     "Yeah," he consented.

     "Glad you feel better now," Marco returned, still smiling.

     "Hey, you know Annie Leonhardt?" Jean exclaimed suddenly upon catching a glimpse of the short blonde girl across the room. "She was absent on Friday. I'm pretty sure she killed a dude. Look at her. One look from tha- HOLY FUCK!" She had turned her head at an angle that was obviously more than 90 degrees and stared straight into his soul. Those icy, cold, blue eyes penetrating his mind like a frozen dagger. Jean ducked under the table as fast as humanly possible and stayed there for another two minutes. "Is she gone?" came his muffled inquiry.

     "She's gone, Jean," Sasha replied.

     He sighed in relief and crawled out from beneath the table. "Last time I talk about her or either of her creepy boyfriends."

     "I'm pretty sure they're not her boyfriends, Jean," Connie replied, mouth full of macaroni and cheese.

     "Well, if they're not her boyfriend they're definitely each other's boyfriends," he grumbled. Those three severely creeped him out.

     Granted, they severely creeped everyone out, but Jean was somewhat more wary of them than others. He had had a life-changing run-in with Annie in 8th grade, and he was not keen to repeat it in any way, shape, or form.

     The bell rang all too soon, thus ending their temporary freedom and sending them back to class. Eren's last four classes went by smoothly enough and he made it home as quickly as humanly possible without actually running. Exercise was for people who cared, and that was one thing that Eren could  _not_  do right now.

      He opened his bedroom door, cursing it for it's disturbing squeak, and flopped down on his bed. The front door opened and shut loudly, announcing Levi's entrance. Eren sighed and covered his face with a pillow.

 _I should do my homework_ , was his final thought before unconsciousness took him and he drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many excuses as to why this chapter took so long.  
> I will give you none of them.


	7. Over the Phone

Maybe Eren should've tried to stay calm whenever Jean grated on his nerves. After all, he did it so often, Eren should have been used to it by this point. No matter how many times Jean had pushed his buttons and aggravated him to the point of yelling before though, nothing Eren had ever said before this Tuesday had ever shut him up so quickly and completely.

The two-toned haired boy had been repeatedly poking Eren in the ribs and asking him annoying questions. Each jab from his index finger and question that Eren tried to tune out brought Eren closer to boiling over with anger.

"Eren," poke. "Eren what's yesterday's chemistry homework?" Poke. "Can I just copy yours?" Poke. "Are you even good at chemistry?" Poke. "I mean, you're definitely not good at art," poke, "but that doesn't mean you'd be bad at chemistry." Poke. "What subjects  _are_ you good at anyway, Jaeger?" Poke. "Obviously not health." A poke and a chuckle at his own joke. "Get it?" Poke. "'Cause you were sick the other day?" Poke.

Eren gritted his teeth and pressed his tightly-clenched fists down on the table. "Jean, can you  _please_ stop that?" he hissed, eyes screwed shut and brow furrowed.

Jean smirked and picked up the pace. "Why, Jeager? What are you gon' do about it?" He laughed again.

Although Eren didn't believe in a god of any kind, he sent a silent prayer up to every god of all kinds that Marco would notice Jean being obnoxious and make him stop before Eren literally bit his head off. "Jean," he began slowly, "if you poke me one more god damn time, I'm going to break your fucking finger."

Jean, of course, ignored his warning. He raised his eyes to stare directly into Erens as he slowly moved his finger closer to Eren's ribs. Poke. Poke, poke. Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke poke poke poke pokepokepokepokepokepo-

_"OW!"_

Jean tried to yank his hand out of Eren's grasp, but Eren held tight. Eren drew his arm back and punched him squarely in the chest.

"You wanna know why I was gone, Jean? You wanna know why I wasn't in school last week? I fucking tried to  _kill_ myself. I tried to get rid of this all, of  _me_. And you just fucking live like the whole world is yours, like you're the only thing that matters. You're completely oblivious to what it's like, aren't you? You can't possibly fucking grasp just how shitty the world is, can you?" Eren thrust Jean's hand back at him. "I'm done. I'm gone. See you tomorrow. Maybe." With that, the boy stood up and walked away, holding his middle finger up behind him.

Jean sat in silence, completely stunned for a few minutes. Eren had been loud enough for the whole table to hear, and they joined Jean in his shock. Armin and Mikasa kept their eyes glued to the table, quietly harboring their guilt.

It was Connie that first broke the silence. "Oh my god," he murmured, gaze still blank and brain still processing the situation.

"Yeah. That's... That's, um..." Marco trailed off.

"Did you two know about this?" Jean inquired, gesturing between Mikasa and Armin.

They both stayed silent for a moment before Armin squeaked out a small, "yes."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"It-" he swallowed hard, "It wasn't our place. It was his decision to tell you guys or not. And believe me, we did want to tell you, we really did. It's just, this is not something that we have the right to talk about to other people without his permission."

Jean nodded in understanding. The table remained quiet for a moment and he swept his eyes over his companions. Armin and Mikasa were still staring at the table guiltily. Sasha was wringing her hands next to Connie, who was staring off into space. Marco looked grim, brows knitted and mouth set into a deep frown. Ymir's face was dark and a bit disturbed; her arms were around a shaking Historia, whose face betrayed her horror.

"Is he okay?" Sasha inquired, hands clasped together and eyes wide.

Mikasa turned her head sharply to look at her friend. "No, how could he be okay? He tried to kill-" her words caught in her throat and she swallowed down the rest of her sentence. She fidgeted with her scarf. "I'm going to go find him." She swung her leg over the bench they were sitting on and sprinted off in the direction he had gone in.

"I can't believe he would... I mean, out of everyone here, he's the last I would pick to try and off himself." Jean gulped and looked to Marco for some sort of hold.

"Yeah," came Connie's ghost of a voice from his right. "I didn't peg him to be that kind of person."

Marco nodded in agreement. "Eren always seemed so normal, if a little angry."

"Shut the hell up."

Everyone turned their head, surprised to hear that kind of language and such a sharp tone coming from the mouth of the Goddess Historia.

"Excuse me?" Jean replied, a bit astonished.

"I said, shut. The hell.  _Up_. If you guys don't know what it's like, then just shut your mouths. Don't call him 'that kind of person' and don't imply that he isn't normal just because it got to be too much for him. You have no idea what he's going through, so fucking  _zip it_." She shuddered a little, breath coming out too sharply and too quickly through flared nostrils.

Ymir put her hand on the back of Historia's head and rubbed her thumb back and forth soothingly. Historia remained livid and glared at everyone until they stopped staring at her, eyes bright with anger. Her shoulders relaxed somewhat and her fists unclenched and she leaned into Ymir, still breathing heavily and trying not to let the sobs come. Ymir wrapped both arms around her, rocking her gently and resting her chin on Historia's head. She knew exactly why Historia had spoken so harshly towards the others and she wasn't about to let them disregard what she had said. Any time somebody so much as opened their mouth to speak, the look she gave them should've been enough to shut them up for the next year or so.

About five minutes after the scene, Armin got up and walked out in the direction both Eren and Mikasa had gone, no doubt going to find them both. The rest of the group could only assume that they had all ended up in the same place, because none of them returned in the 15 minutes left of the lunch hour.

Apparently, Eren had decided to stay in school rather than leave, because when the bell rang, he was already headed to French class with Armin. He awkwardly avoided eye contact and talking with everyone for the rest of the school day. Knowing that he had yelled what he had at them was humiliating and he would rather not deal with their pitying looks at the moment.

If he had looked at them, what he would've seen was love and concern in Historia's gaze and respect in Ymir's. He would've noticed Sasha's worried expression and slightly nervous glances and Connie trying to make sure he was alright without actually drawing any attention to him. Jean's quiet and (what he thought was) subtle attempts to get his attention and Marco's keeping Jean still and smiling reassuringly at Eren went unnoticed and unappreciated.

When the final bell rang, Eren was the first to stand out and make his way out of the school as fast as his legs would carry him without breaking into a run in the middle of the crowded hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'( I'm sorry I made u angry and sad, Historia, my love.


	8. Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a trigger warning for panic attacks and trichotillomania, so if you're okay with that, then please go on my loves.

     It had been a long, long day.

     In fact, Eren didn't think he could ever remember a day that had been so long. The first half of it actually went alright, aside from it being mundane and habitual. About halfway through though, the tension that had been mounting in him for a week had broken free of its dam and come out in a torrent of anger.

     Everyone knew now of the secret he had been carefully guarding since its birth. He hadn't been able to look anyone in the eyes after he had snapped. Not even Mikasa or Armin whenever they found him in the cramped and dark janitor's closet clutching at his chest and hyperventilating.

     Mikasa had said that she'd looked all over the school for him before she and Armin found him. She hadn't counted on finding him leaning against what little wall space he could find inside a tiny closet at the other end of the school having a breakdown. She had quietly, but firmly said his name and told him it would all be alright, that she was there and Armin was there. It was 11:55 AM on Wednesday, November 27th and they were at school.

     Her solid words hadn't reached him, he was too lost in his own head. The room was spinning, he couldn't breathe. It was so close in that closet. Was he going to throw up? Those were definitely chills, but how could he be so cold when he was sweating like this? Oh god, he was dying. He was dying again and it was worse this time. His legs were going to give out under him and his bones were all going to break. There went his legs, he was on the dirty floor of a school closet and he was going to die there. He brought his violently trembling hands up into his hair and started yanking on the strands there, desperately trying to regain  _some_  control of himself.

     He had tugged out several strands from his fringe and behind his ear before she took his hands gently and then slowly pulled him into her arms, trailing her fingers in soothing circular motions across his shoulders. His breathing sped up at first, but calmed down quickly as she kept holding him and softly spoke comforting words into his ear.

     Six and a half minutes had never seemed so long before.

     "Eren?" Armin murmured when Eren's breathing returned to normal and he had relaxed in Mikasa's arms completely, forehead resting against her shoulder and arms loosely around her waist. "Are you okay now?"

     Eren let out a shuddering sigh and nodded minutely.

     "Can you tell me the date?"

     "The 27th. I'm fine, Armin. Thanks."

     Armin gave him a soft smile and touched his shoulder reassuringly. "Of course."

     The bell rang before Eren got up and he and Armin were late for French. Eren was sluggish and exhausted for the rest of the day; so much so, that he almost decided that it was worth it to take the bus home rather than walk all the way there.

     Mikasa and Armin had opted to come home with him, despite his protests. They argued that he knew just as well as they did that they couldn't leave him alone. He was too tired to fight them on it, so he just fell into a drowsy silence instead and gave them short answers when he had to. The had agreed to leave if he still wanted them to when Levi got back to the apartment and it only took five minutes of him not being able to sleep due to their watching him in forced silence for him to decide that, yes, he definitely did want them to leave ASAP.

     Luckily for him, Levi got back less than a half hour later. As soon as the two of them saw him, they scampered out with a, "bye, Eren!" Levi glanced over his shoulder, a bewildered expression dominating his features. He had never seen them so eager to leave Eren's side.

     "The hell was that?" he questioned, jerking a thumb towards the door that had slammed shut after the two departing teenagers.

     "They wouldn't leave me alone and they told me they'd get the fuck out once you got home," he responded, lazily raising an arm in greeting from his position on the couch.

     "Good," Levi murmured, putting his bag into its place in his room.

     Eren gave an over exaggerated sigh that dissolved into an exasperated groan. "I am so fucking  _tired_  of being watched all the time. Can you at least let me take showers alone? That's all I ask, just let me take a god damn shower by myself."

     "Nope," was his prompt answer as he washed his hands in the kitchen sink.

     "Ugh, man fuck you."

     The world stopped and Eren recalled the last time he had said "fuck you" to Levi. He sat up abruptly and held his hands up in a gesture of apology as Levi gave him that  _look._ "I mean," he squeaked out, voice an octave or five too high for his age.

     Levi simply stared at him for a moment longer, shrugged his shoulders, and went back to washing his hands.

     Eren let out a puff of breath and a nervous chuckle and flopped back down on the couch.

     The water shut off and Levi flicked the excess off his fingers before drying his hands meticulously. He sauntered over to join Eren and gently nudged his legs off of the side they were resting on.

     "So that was an interesting lunch hour you had," he mentioned casually.

     Every muscle in Eren's body tensed on instinct and then relaxed slowly. Both of them stared ahead as Eren flipped the television on and channel surfed mindlessly. "Guess so. How'd you find out?" When Levi stayed silent, he sighed and continued. "Armin told you didn't he? Damn it."

     "I wouldn't be so quick to blame him if I were you."

     "Uh huh. But he told you, right?" Levi gave him one long silent, sidelong glance and said nothing. Again. "Yeah," Eren continued, slipping down further into the couch, "I fucked up so bad. They're probably never gonna talk to me again." He buried his face in the crook of his elbow and closed his eyes, hoping to fall asleep before another problem could present itself.

     "Well now you're just being ridiculous," Levi replied, giving Eren's knee a gentle pat.

     There was a pause in which they both felt the heaviness of the air before Eren spoke again. "Mikasa and Armin found me. In the janitor's closet. It was gross and tiny in there."

     "Why exactly were you in the janitor's closet, Eren?"

     "I 'unno."

     "Well you didn't just decide to take a nap in there."

     Eren stayed silent for a while, reluctance making his words want to stick to his throat. "It was just a panic attack. It's fine. You've seen me deal with 'em before. Plus, they were there," he responded slowly, voice gentle and subdued.

     Levi nodded thoughtfully. "I'd be surprised if they weren't there. Can barely ever get them to leave."

     Eren smiled softly to himself. It definitely was strange to be without them sometimes. They had been there ever since he could remember, and when they weren't there when they were supposed to be, it felt very unnatural. He pondered this thought for a moment, considering the situation if it were reversed. Would they have missed him if he had succeeded in his attempt to kill himself? Maybe that unnatural, foreign, sunken feeling would have lasted through the rest of their lives without him. He knew that it would've followed him forever if he had been in their situation. He sighed and shook his head, trying to dislodge the thought from his brain.

     "It's the 28th tomorrow," he said quietly, hoping to remind himself more than to alert Levi.

     "Do you want to go see her?" Levi responded just as quietly.

     Eren nodded. The 28th of November. What a dreary day. What a fitting day. "It's been eight years since she died..." Eren trailed off, leaving unsaid words hanging in the air.

     They both knew that he still missed her daily. Carla had been the one to support him and Mikasa when Grisha Jaeger left when Eren was four years old. She was such a brave, hard working, and loving woman and he had been torn in two when she died.

     "D'you think... You think dad'll go visit her this year?" Eren questioned, little to no hope in his voice.

      Levi shrugged. "No real way of knowing. I mean you've never seen him at the cemetery before, but that doesn't mean that he hasn't been there."

     "Yeah, of course. Just because he's a complete and utter sack of shit that cared absolutely nothing for me or Mikasa or mom doesn't mean that he would forget about us or anything."

     Levi stayed silent for a bit, only glancing at him from the corner of his eye. He sighed briefly, more of a puff of air than a sigh, and finally responded, "You don't sound entirely convinced."

     "Yeah, well he never gave us any reason to be convinced at all. Fucking dick. I just... can't believe he would leave mom alone with me and Mikasa like that. Like she didn't already have enough to deal with."

     "I know," was Levi's quiet reply. "I know..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! I made a Say Something Playlist!!!!!! It's very sad so listen with caution. http://8tracks.com/knic28/say-something


	9. Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is the anniversary of Carla Jaeger's death and both Eren and Mikasa head off to visit her grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and death in this chapter.

     Thursday, November 28th.

     The last time it had been Thursday on November the 28th, it was Thanksgiving day and it rained. Hard. It poured. It was odd and unseasonable that it should rain so late into the year. It had been an unbearably hot summer and the rest of the year had been fairly warm, but Eren hadn't expected the rain that day. It was fitting, he thought. Raining on the anniversary of his mother's death. Almost ironic, even, not to mention horrendously cliche.

     He didn't celebrate Thanksgiving that year. He wouldn't celebrate it this year either. Thanksgiving had been and always would be a difficult event from the time his mother died and onward, but when it fell on the actual anniversary of her death, he couldn't handle it. He never would be able to handle it.

     Eren remembered how much Carla had loved this day. She had been so warm and happy and loving when she was alive. The holiday always brought her family closer together (save Grisha, as always), and that was one thing she could never ignore or pass up.

     This particular Thursday, November 28th, Thanksgiving Day, it did not rain. Eren almost missed it. It could've been comforting, in a way. The familiarity of it and the nice smell that it washed the earth in would've made sense to him; it would've felt more normal and right.

     All he had to do all day was sit in his thoughts. It was better, he decided, to take Armin and Mikasa up on their offer of coming to keep him company that day. They had been there since before noon and while he did appreciate their presence, he was afraid that he was not good company at all.

     "Eren?" Armin's vague voice drifted in through the haze. "Eeeereeeennnn?"

     "Huh? What? Sorry, I was zoned out," Eren responded, scrubbing his eyes harshly with the heels of his hands.

     Armin smiled softy and shook his head. "I asked when you were going to see your mother today."

     Eren thought for a minute. "I dunno. Whenever Levi wants to take us I guess."

     "Mm. If you need any company, I can always come."

     "Okay. Thanks."

     "No problem. Mikasa's going too, right?"

     "Oh," Eren leaned his head back and blinked. "I think so. I hadn't thought to ask her. Mikasa?"

     Mikasa heard their calls from the kitchen where she was making a peanut butter sandwich. She manuvered through the tiny breakfast nook beside the kitchen and into the living room where the boys were sat on the couch. "Yeah?"

     "Are you coming to see mom today?"

     She stilled for a split second, her eyes going cold at the thought. "Uh huh," she nodded and turned on her heel to get back to making her food.

     Armin's phone buzzed in his pocket as she left. He checked the screen and groaned when his grandfather's face popped up on it. "Hello?" he greeted, pressing the phone to his ear. "What?... I'm with Eren and Mikasa though... Oh. Okay... Alright. Will you pick me up then?... Okay, thank you. Bye." He hung up the phone with a sour expression and put it back in his pocket. "Hey, my grandpa says I have to get back home and eat dinner with him. He'll be here in a couple minutes to take me home."

     Eren's face went from flat to confused. "It's like, 2:45."

     Armin shrugged. "Yeah, but we have to make it and stuff. Plus, old people eat dinner at ridiculous hours."

     "Fair enough," Eren conceded.

     They didn't talk much in the remaining few minutes they had left, but the time went by quickly nonetheless. Armin left with a quick, "I'll see you guys later," and Mikasa and Eren only made a harmonized, "bye."

     They sat on the couch for a little while. Mikasa flipped on the TV and they both mindlessly watched a hyper-observant man pretend to be a psychic for a few minutes until Eren abruptly stood and mechanically procured some sort of snack food that he didn't even like from the kitchen.

     Mikasa took one look at the bag of kale chips and stated matter-of-factly, "Eren, you're acting weird today."

     Eren scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess so."

     "Aside from the obvious, what's wrong?"

     He pursed his lips and cast his gaze downward in the silence that followed. When it became apparent that Mikasa wouldn't accept his silence as an answer, he sighed heavily and spoke, "It's just... I mean, this is always a hard day, but I've just been in a daze all day. I mean, I could've-" He sucked in a sharp breath to cut himself up as his eyes snapped up to meat Mikasa's, fear radiating from them.

     "You could've what?" she queried.

     He reached forward to put the kale chips on the coffee table and then sighed again as he slumped over the arm of the couch. She watched him as he did and turned in her seat to face him, knees brought up to her chest and chin resting on her knees.

     "I could've joined her by now. If I had been smart enough to get it done right, anyways. I didn't want to make it today. I didn't want to have to worry about today."

     Mikasa stayed silent as she let herself absorb his words. She swallowed the lump in her throat and took another moment to prepare herself for the words that were about to come out of her mouth. "You can't just do that, Eren."

     It was deathly quiet.

     Eren broke the quietness with an uneloquent, "huh?"

     "You can't just leave like that. Please, please don't say that. She was my mom too and I know that this is sad- I know it's the worst thing that's ever happened to you, but  _please_ , don't say things like that. Not today. I need you here today. I lost my parents, I lost mom, I don't want to have to even think about losing you. Being split up is bad enough, but not having you at all? I wouldn't be able to bear it."

     "Mikasa-" Eren started.

     "Sorry. I'm sorry, I know you're not okay, but I need to be selfish right now, okay? I need this. Is that okay?"

     Eren reached out and took her hand from where it rested on her knee. "Yeah. I'm sorry too. I'll try not to talk like that."

     She smiled a little and squeezed his hand. Nothing more was said for a few minutes. Nothing needed to be said.

     Levi emerged from his room less than an hour later and they left shortly after. The cemetery was bland and dry as the bones that rested within. Levi hung back at the entrance to give Mikasa and Eren the time they needed to spend with their mother alone. Together, the two of them took the path they knew so well to her.

     They were both completely silent as they knelt on the ground in front of the charcoal gravestone. A moment or so passed before either of them spoke.

     "Hi, mom." It was Eren who broke the silence. "Me and Mikasa are here to see you."

     Mikasa reached out and grabbed Eren's hand, squeezing it hard to keep herself from crying. "H-hi," she choked out, "It's been way too long since I've been to see you."

     "Yeah, me too. It's been a couple weeks now, I think." There was another passive silence before Eren resumed speaking, "It's been eight years, mom. I miss you. We both miss you... I wish I could see you."

     There was a choked sob from a few feet away from him. He looked over to Mikasa just as she reached up with her free hand to wipe at her eyes. Eren gave her hand another firm squeeze and scooted closer to her.

     If he was being honest with himself, he was really surprised that he wasn't crying too. It wasn't that he wasn't sad- hell, he was struggling to think straight the pain was so overwhelming. He didn't really know what it was. Maybe it was him always feeling everything or nothing. Maybe he was just feeling absolutely everything right now. Maybe he was feeling nothing. Maybe he was completely out of tears, having cried so many in the past months. He didn't know.

     All he knew was that there was a strange calmness that had settled over his mind and in his limbs that guided him as if he were on autopilot. It allowed his words to just spill out and tumble around in his mouth. He didn't really understand or know what he was saying, but he said it anyway without thinking of anything at all.

     "Mom, it's been about a week since I tried to see you again. Not come to visit you here, but actually  _see_ you. To join you."

     Mikasa's breath hitched next to him and she turned wide, dark eyes on him. The tears that had been threatening to spill over her cheeks for several minutes finally had their freedom and cascaded down her face. Her voice cracked as she spoke, "Eren?" It wasn't a question of what he was talking about. It was asking him to reassure her that he was still there. He nodded at her and showed her a small, soft smile. She breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry," she said, "Can I get out of earshot before you talk about this?"

     "Oh," Eren breathed, angry with himself for letting himself slip back into this topic. Of course he would make  _this_ day out of all days completely about him. Like always. "No, Mikasa. It's okay, I won't talk about it anymore. Sorry. I said I wasn't going to talk about it today. It just kind of... slipped out."

     He shrugged and she scooted closer to hug him and rested her chin on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, grateful for the warmth and human contact. They stopped for a moment to just sit like that in the quiet air.

     "Mom, I miss you so much," Mikasa's voice wavered as she said this. "I wish you were here. I wish that we were all a family again. I wish you could see how strong we're trying to be. How hard we're working. I love you so much. I miss you even more. I'll come back soon." She stood, wiped at her nose and eyes, and dusted off her jeans. "I'm going to go back now. Are you going to be here much longer, Eren?"

     Eren blinked himself out of the glassy state he had been in listening to her talk. "Hm? Oh, no. I'll just be a couple minutes."

     She nodded and gave his hand a final squeeze before walking towards the front of the cemetery.

     Eren sighed and settled into his new solitary aura. "Mom?" he began quietly, "It's okay, I'll see you soon. I know I'll do it this time. I'll see you soon. I'll be with you again. It's gonna be like it used to be. Just give me a little bit of time. I love you, mom. Just wait a little while. I'll come visit you again before I go to see you. Bye, mom."

     He walked away towards Mikasa and Levi with his head feeling much clearer and the rest of him feeling oddly lighter. A serene expression stayed on his features while they drove in silence back to the apartment. Neither his guardian nor his sister asked him about it. He thanked them inwardly and stayed in his fantasy of joining his mother for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously need to apologize for my loose grasp of how public school works. The only public schools and private schools I ever went to were very unorthodox and I've been home schooled for the rest of my life u_u Either way, I did my best and I hope you enjoy, regardless of the horrid inaccuracies. 
> 
> PS: If you're wondering why Levi isn't in this chapter, it's because I'm still to mad to write about him.


	10. Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, trigger warning for suicide.

     Saturdays were never memorable days for Eren. They always passed with either not a single thought in his head or billions of thoughts exploding in his head. Either way, he never remembered them.

     This Saturday, he was uncomfortably draped backwards over the couch arm, legs resting on Armin who was giving him an utterly bored look. He sighed deeply and swung his arms around.

     "Armin," he said.

     "Huh?" Armin responded.

     "How did everyone react when I blew up at Jean on Wednesday?"

     "Oh," Armin breathed. He said nothing more until Eren had righted himself and looked at him. "Well, at first they were kind of confused. I think Connie said that he never thought you would be one to try that. It was really unexpected though; out of everyone there,  _Historia_  was the one to tell him to shut it. She actually swore at everyone."

     " _What?_ " Eren spluttered, "Why Historia?"

     Armin shrugged. "I think she empathizes. She said something like, 'you have no idea what he's going through. He's not weak just because it was too much,' and then she told us all to 'just fucking zip it.'"

     "Wow," said Eren, "That's kind of... amazing, actually. Especially coming from the Goddess. I didn't think someone like her would sympathize with someone like me."

     "Eren," Armin looked him directly in the eye, "It's  _Historia_. She could sympathize with a rock."

     They were quiet again for a minute. "I'm gonna call her," Eren stated decisively.

     "Do you even have her number?"

     "Yeah. She's way smarter than me, so I ask her about creative writing stuff all the time."

     Armin nodded in agreement. "She takes good notes. Sometimes I ask to look over them."

     "Mm," Eren assented as he pulled out his phone and brought it to his ear.

     It rang several times before a breathless Historia picked up. "Hello?"

     "Hey, Historia, it's me," Eren greeted.

     "Oh hi there, Eren!" she responded brightly. "What's up?"

     "Uh... Well about Wednesday at lunch. Armin told me what happened." Eren cringed as he noticed too late that his friend was shaking his head and waving his hands frantically in an attempt to keep him quiet about that.

     "O-oh," Historia stuttered.

     "Yeah... Anyways, thanks. Also, can I talk to you later? I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to obviously, but that would be cool? Like maybe later today. If you want to, anyway."

     "Ah, yeah; that would be okay, I think. Do you wanna meet some where or do you want me to come to you? You can even come over if you want to."

     "Going over to you sounds pretty good, actually. Is 4:30 good?"

     "Yeah, definitely! I'll see you then. Bye, Eren!"

     "See you."

     He hung up the phone and stared at it silently.

     "What's wrong?" Armin prompted.

     "I don't know where she lives."

* * *

     Two hours, thirty minutes, four texts to Historia, and one goodbye to Armin later, Eren found himself in front of Historia's door. Levi had been kind enough (or wary enough) to drive him there himself, so he didn't have to take public transport.

      Eren hesitated for a moment, observing his surroundings again. A dingy apartment was not exactly what he had expected when envisioning Historia's home. Maybe an all-American, white-picket-fence-type house at least, but definitely not this. He raised his hand slowly and knocked.

     A moment later, a round-faced woman answered the door. "Yes?" she questioned, looking down the bridge of her nose at him.

     "Uh, hi. I'm Eren Jaeger; I'm looking for Historia Reiss. Is she...?"

     "One second, honey. Historia?" she called over her shoulder.

     Seconds later, Histora arrived at the door. "Oh, Eren! Hey. Come on in."

     "Thanks," Eren said, still pretty phased by her living situation. She wasn't really any worse off than him, but it was still really... unfitting.

     "Hey, aunt Fran, we're gonna go to my room," Historia informed the woman.

     "Okay, Tori."

     Eren vaguely caught the grimace Historia made at the nickname. She pulled him by the wrist into the farthest room into the apartment and shut the door behind her. Her room was very fitting of her. Pastel and white colors were washed over it and nothing was out of place.

     They sat down on her bed and Historia offered him a bag of chips she had been eating from. He shook his head and muttered a, "no, thanks."

     She smiled. "So what did you want to talk to me about, Eren?"

     "Ah. So. You stood up for me on Wednesday. Thanks."

     "No problem. I mean, I couldn't just let them talk like that about a friend, or anyone, really."

     "Hey, Armin said something that made me wonder: do you know where I'm coming from?"

     "What did he say?" Historia inquired, seriousness suddenly settling over her features.

     "He just said that you told everyone that I'm not weak because it got to be too much for me. Sounds like you really know what this... situation is like."

     Historia sighed and put down her chips. "Look, I don't want to worry you or anything, but I was pretty close to your situation a couple months ago. I didn't really  _try_ anything, but I definitely tie the rope right. I stood on the chair and everything."

     Eren took in what she had just said for a moment before he spoke. "Why didn't you do it?"

     "Ymir walked in. She knew something was wrong and she just kept... banging on the door. It was so horrible. She was so... desperate. She saved my life. In more ways than one."

     "Wow," Eren breathed. "That's really... wow. I'm glad she found you."

     At this, Historia smiled again. "Thank you. I'm glad you were saved too."

     Eren gave an unamused snort. "Saved. Yeah."

     Things were quiet between them for a few moments, but not awkward. Historia had that ability; to make any silence comfortable.

     "Listen, Eren," she spoke earnestly as she placed a hand on his knee, "I'm always here if you want to talk about it. About anything. I am  _always_  here for that. Come to me next time you need or want to, okay?"

     "Yeah. Thanks, Historia. And you too. Talk to me whenever you get low. At least we can relate."

     She gave a sad little smile that he returned. "Yeah."

     They stayed on her bed for hours, talking about lighter things, heavier things, and things in between. They even went as far as to demolish her current bag of chips and another one. Eren left at almost nine at night, incredibly glad that he had asked Armin to tell him what had happened after he left the lunch table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna have Eren be like 'lmao ur place sucks i thought u would live on olympus' but no that did not happen. It might in the future though idk.  
> Also I wrote this chapter in one sitting?????????/????????/ O.O  
> I never write anything in one sitting...  
> Anyways  
> Stuff  
> Read  
> good  
> ye


	11. Signs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wheezes* I'm so sorry this took 86 years and my grip on the story is slipping dramatically. I'm doing the best I can though so I hope you like it.

As Eren had said a couple weeks before, he and Historia could relate to each other. He had taken her up once or twice on her offer to talk, whether he needed or wanted to. It wasn't anything heavy. Mostly just hanging out. They got along well and both needed more socializing anyway.

A week before Christmas, Eren was still seeing a completely unhelpful therapist every week. A week before Christmas and an hour after a visit to his shrink, Eren paced in his room with his phone in his hand. Before he could think about it any more, he slammed his finger onto the "call" button under Historia's name. He lowered himself to sit on his bed, but jiggled his leg as it rang.

At the sixth ring, Historia picked up. She sounded breathless, like the first time he had called her. "Hhhhello?"

"Hey."

"Huh? Oh... Eren. Hey. H-how are you?"

"Um, I'm okay I guess? Are  _you_  okay? You sound kind of winded."

"I'm- mmhmm. I'm okay. I'm fine. What did you need?"

"Just kind of hoping we could hang out later."

"Uh... yeah. Definitely. Let me just... finish up what I'm doing, 'kay?"

"Okay. Call me when you're done doing... whatever."

"Mmhmm," she murmured again, "Bye now, Eren!"

The phone clicked off, but not before Eren heard Ymir say Historia's name in a low voice and chuckle.

Eren lowered the phone. He clicked the red "off" button and tried to ignore what he knew The Goddess Historia was doing right now.

He pushed himself off the bed and padded out into the kitchen. Grabbing an apple and shoving as much of it as he could at one time into his mouth, he hopped up to sit on the kitchen counter and await Historia's phone call.

"Hey, get off of there," Eren heard from around the corner.

He grunted and pushed himself off. "'Kay," he mumbled as Levi rounded into the kitchen. "How'd you even know I was on there anyway?"

"You're always on there when you're in the kitchen," Levi replied nonchalantly.

Eren rolled his eyes and continued eating as Levi watched.

"What are you staring at?" Eren asked, wiping at his face to get rid of any food or apple juice that Levi may have been watching.

"...You chew like a cow."

"What?"

"Side to side. Like a cow."

"Excuse me, I do not chew like a cow."

Levi shrugged. "Okay. Yes you do."

Eren narrowed his eyes and huffed. "Whatever. I'm going to hang out with Historia as soon as she calls me."

"Fine. Don't come home late. I'm sure you have homework and Armin and Mikasa will probably bother me until they can see you. I don't know why you always have to stay here."

Eren shrugged. "I'll be back before eight. I think. I don't know, I can never tell how long I'm going to spend with her."

"Come back by seven and don't neglect your homework or friends."

"Historia is a friend. Just a friend. She's gay anyway. Really gay."

Levi leaned back against the kitchen counter. "I didn't say she was more than one. I thought you were gay too..." he added under his breath.

Eren whipped his head to look at Levi and blushed. "I- I'm not  _gay!_ "

"You're not?"

"No!"

"Then what are you?"

He paused to consider the question. "Nothing, I guess."

Levi raised one eyebrow. "Nothing?"

"Yeah. I mean, I guess. Nothing. What's that called again? There is a name for it."

"Asexual."

"Right. I guess I'm that then."

"Alright," Levi said, shrugging.

They were both quiet until Eren's phone buzzed in his pocket. As expected, it was Historia calling.

"Yo."

"Hi again, Eren," she said, sounding a good deal less winded.

"Hey. You... done?"

"Yep! Just finished up. If you'll give me 20 minutes, we can meet at my house."

"Yeah, sounds good. I'll be over there in 20."

He hung up and tossed his apple core into the trash can. He slowly pulled on a jacket and shoes in his bedroom. Levi appeared, leaning against the door frame minutes later.

"Hey," Eren acknowledged.

"Are you going to see Historia?"

"Yeah. She just called."

Levi nodded and left. When Eren returned to the living room, it was to see that Levi in his shoes and coat, keys in hand.

Eren stopped in his tracks. "You gonna drive me?"

"Who else is going to?" Levi answered as he headed out the door.

Eren furrowed his brow, but followed anyway. It was a little weird that Levi was being attentive, but Eren really did appreciate his effort. He smiled as he strapped his seat belt on.

They arrived a while later and Eren was left off in front of Historia's apartment with a quick "I'll pick you up at seven," from Levi. He turned around to face the apartment building and went inside.

Fran answered the door again, but this time she recognized him. "Here to see Historia again, I'm assuming?"

"Hi. Yeah, that's what I'm here for," Eren said, rather sheepishly.

Without being called, Historia came to the front door to greet him. "Hey there! Come inside," she said, already pulling him by the arm into her bedroom.

"O-okay," he replied, nervously eyeing the ever-approaching door to Historia's room.

They both sat down on her seemingly undisturbed bed, Historia perfectly at ease as Eren shifted uncomfortably.

_Oh my god,_  he thought,  _There's been lesbianing on this bed within the past three hours. I'm sitting on a lesbianed bed. Am I intruding? This feels intrusive._

"Eren, are you okay?" Historia asked, jolting him out of his thoughts.

"Uh, yeah. I'm okay."

"You want some water or something?"

"No, no. I'm good. Do you wanna go out for coffee though?" Eren grimaced at the crack in his voice.

Historia chuckled lightly to herself and eyed the bed she was sitting on and the wall farthest from her. "Yeah, that would be good, wouldn't it? Okay, let's go."

The ended up at the same cafe that Eren frequented with Armin and Mikasa. They ordered their drinks and sat down with them in awkward silence for a few moments.

"So..." Historia trailed off.

"So," Eren countered.

"There's something on your mind, huh?"

Eren didn't reply, only took a drink and burned his tongue in the process. Historia made a noise somewhere between a giggle and a concerned whimper. Eren looked up to see her grinning, but with a sympathetic look in her eyes.

"I'm taking that as a yes," she said, handing a napkin to clean up the tea he had spat out.

He nodded. "I... Yeah. I mean, I'm not making  _any_ progress with my shrink, for starters."

Historia nodded slowly, keeping her eyes on her coffee and seeming to think her response over. "Yeah. I had that problem with a few of my therapists."

"A few? How many have you had?"

"I don't know. A few," she said, a small, sad smile gracing her features. "Anyways, go on."

"Uh... Right. I can't really connect with her; she's not helping. She's nice and she means well, but really how far is sense therapy going to go? I just... I don't know." He huffed out a sigh.

"Well, it's  _your_  therapy. She should be tailoring to your needs. You just kind of have to guide her, I think. Just really open up and help her understand you. I know that's probably easier said than done, but it's what needs to be done."

Eren leaned his cheek on his palm glumly and ran his index finger over the rim of his cup. "I know, but when I go to try and tell her everything, the words just get stuck in my throat. I don't know how to get it out to her. Wasn't therapy supposed to help? I don't really know what to do since it doesn't. I had counted on it helping. I mean, I didn't really want to go in the first place, but I did think that it would help at least a little. It just feels kind of lost without any promise of things getting better. I feel like I'm falling through free air and nothing's going to be waiting for me at the bottom. I'm sorry. This is dumb. I shouldn't be bothering you with this, sorry."

"No! No it's completely okay, Eren. I'm glad I can be here to listen to you."

He smiled softly at her. Historia, sensing that he had more to say, reached across the table and rested her hand on his arm.

"Go on," she murmured.

Eren blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected her prompt for him to continue. "Oh. Well I um. I guess I just... I'm mad. I'm angry and I don't know why. I mean, I do kind of, but there's nothing really to be angry about."

"Because it's easy for you to feel, I think. It was really easy for me to just feel sad all the time. It's like, we all have out default emotions that we fall back on when there's nothing to us."

"Yeah," he nodded. "That's what it is. It's the only thing I can really manage most of the time."

"Sometimes I can still only manage to feel sadness, so I still fall back on that," she replied.

"Yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

They drank in silence for a bit before Eren spoke. "Historia, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, of course," she said, smiling at him over the rim of her cup.

"You've never really seemed sad to me. You just always seem like you're in a good mood."

The smile dropped from her face immediately upon hearing his words. "Oh. Well, usually when I'm not okay, I just kind of... fake it." Her voice grew smaller at the end and her gaze landed on the table. "It's kind of a second nature to me now. It's like, I'm a completely different person when I fake it. The fake-happy me is like... like a plastic me. Like one that lives in a dollhouse and has a perfect family and a perfect mind and a perfect life. If I just envision her, then I can fake being happy for a while."

"Doesn't that get exhausting though?" he queried.

"Yeah, of course it does. No more exhausting than the hollowness that I am without it though."

Eren grimaced at that. "You're not just hollowness without it, you know. Even if you don't feel anything. You're still you. People still like you and you're still a person."

Historia's stunned silence stretched on for what felt like minutes. "Oh. I- Oh. Thanks, Eren."

He nodded. "Does it still happen often? Your depression, I mean. Does it kick in often?"

"Eh," she said with a wiggly hand gesture. "It's hard to deal with, but it's  _so_  much better than it used to be. I have a lot to thank for that, but I really do owe a lot to Ymir and my friends."

Eren mulled this over for a bit.

"Hey," Historia spoke again, "you should try that. Talking to your friends, I mean. Friends other than just me. If your therapist isn't working, you do have Mikasa and Armin and everyone else."

"I do talk to them! It's just, I don't know. I've been kind of distant from them for a while. It's been a little weird ever since... you know. It's not their fault, though. It's just me."

"I understand. And it's not that I'm not happy to talk with you about this, you just seem so much closer to them and I feel like it would be easier if you stayed close and open."

"Yeah. I'll try it. What if that doesn't help though?"

"Well, I can't tell you how fast it will happen, but I promise you, it's going to get better. It's not pointless bullshit. Everyone keeps telling you that 'it'll get better, just wait,' but it honestly does. You just have to keep moving forward in any way you can. Okay?"

"Okay. Yeah." Eren gave her a smile that she returned with a gentle pat to his arm. "Thanks, Historia. You're the best."

"Any time. I'm happy to spend time with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BY THE WAY I'M SORRY THAT WAS OVER 2,000 WORDS


End file.
